Beating 13 other creative non-fiction writer wanna-be's in the first Laboratoryo Essay Writing Contest, ala-Matt killed the judges with laughter by his "Caution: Talking Paramecia At Work." His piece just winked at ciggyforbreakfast's "Hello, Party Line?" which placed second and nudged Dudong_Bilatski's "Rated X Essay" which placed third. His piece sent an up-yours- suckers message to those who thought cussing is plain crass indulged in only by the angry and the vocabulary-deficient. Pseudo-philosophical freaks and Marxist aficionados may dismiss his work as pseudo-cosmopolitan crock influenced by capitalists, but no one really cares.
His original presentation of his submitted entry toppled other styles which were mostly straight narratives. His description of the flamboyant Earl and the disgusting Jack leaves a mark in anyone who reads his piece from start to finish. Those who questioned his "puking scene" aren't laughing but that's because they didn't get ala-Matt's style. And now ala-Matt is laughing all the way to the bank and leaving those people still scratching their heads.
Quotable gems from his winning entry include the following:
"I bet he was such a non-fucking loser." (referring to Earl's delusional playboy image of himself)
"I thought your grandmother passed away last year," said Mrs. David in a declarative rather than in an interrogative voice. Suddenly, the very precocious Rica looked at me with her 'you-lied-I'm-gonna-rip-your-head' look. Jack and Earl appeared like two men with brains of a bird that I laughed hard inside, forgetting what Mrs. David had just said.
I'm sorry. What did you say?" (describing the scenario of being caught in a lie about his reason for not coming to Rica's party)
"We'll be there in a jifney!" (referring to the poseur Jack's stupid malapropism of the word jiffy)
If you're curious to know more about ala-Matt, read his interview below. If you're not, we don't really care. Bite us.
1) Tell me some personal stats:
- age and bday
Some damned evening of March, 1983, a bearded man interjaculated his ejaculation while having an intergalactic intercourse with a fine young lass and only one of the millions of fucking sperm cells fucked that woman's egg cell. Alas, nine months later, another Bourne was born.
- degree finished in college/MA in progress?
B.S. Cursing. Currently taking up M.A. in Profanity Studies Major in Vituperation.
- school attended/attending
former University of the Poor
- past occupations: where?
Copywriter-slash-marketing communications specialist-slash-your wrist; in the same company I mentioned in my fucking essay.
- present occupation: where?
Copywriter-slash-marketing communications specialist-slash-your wrist; in the same company I mentioned in my fucking essay. Don’t be an “Earl.” This is neither a fucking déjà vu nor a typo error, idiot. Yeah, right. I resigned and came back. I'm a real masochist by profession.
2) Why did you join the contest?
Nuts for dough, not for doughtnuts.
3) Who did you think would give you some serious competition? Why?
I thought Incense would give me some serious competition because of all the people in the Lab, he's the only one who is sensible enough not to make sense.
4) How long did it take you finish your entry?
I promise to compute the seconds I spent writing my entry. I would probably have the answer by next leap year. Although I guess the time I spent writing was the same as the length of time a sperm could survive in a lukewarm-water-filled bathtub.
5) How would you describe the style you used to narrate the paramecia in your workplace?
APA? MLA? If it’s not the footnotes we’re talking about, I really don’t know.
6) Did you check the laugh-o-meter of your piece by having someone read it first before submitting it as an entry? Why? Why not?
Actually, I asked someone to read it first but I didn’t know if her laughter reached even the first imaginary line of the laugh-o-meter. I was a bit reluctant at first because even my “other” self couldn’t find the laughing-gas attributes of the material. Subsequently, I told myself, “The hell I care!” and submitted my entry.
7) Describe your feelings a few minutes (or maybe an hour? day perhaps?) before posting your entry.
1 hour before posting: SBP and DBP: Normal
59 minutes: SBP and DBP: Fucking Normal
58 minutes: SBP and DBP: Moronic Normal
57 minutes: SBP and DBP: Idiotic Normal
56 minutes: SBP and DBP: Numbskull Normal
55 minutes: SBP and DBP: Dodo Normal
54 minutes: SBP and DBP: Dunderhead Normal
…
59 seconds: SBP and DBP: a bit higher
58 seconds: SBP and DBP: Normal
57 seconds: SBP and DBP: Abnormal
56 seconds: SBP and DBP: Back to normal
55 seconds: do I really have to do this?
…
Exact time of Posting: I thought I was fucking dead that I hadn’t been able to click POST.
8) Was there a particular reason for using English instead of Tagalog as your medium of expression?
It’s like choosing between “fuck” and “kantot.”
Imagine if I used Tagalog in sentences like these:
There was no fucking infernal place in the world than where I used to work.
Walang kumakantot na mala-impyernong lugar sa mundo kundi sa kung saan ako nagtatrabaho dati.
But one fucking day…
Pero isang kumakantot na araw…
Of course you cannot imagine anymore. I already showed you.
9) Are there any particular writers who influenced your writing style? Can you name some of them and give a brief description of their influence in your work.
None. What do you think I am—a pathetic palooka who doesn’t have the brain to produce ideas and style of his own like the mere anarchist who had brief interviews with hideous men who could talk pretty one day? In your face, WA, DFW and DS!
Raymond Romano and Michael Imperioli rule!
10) How did you learn about this lit community?
I’m still in the process.
Status: 1% PROGRESS. Not this lit community but the process of learning… process of learning... NOT of the people in this community but my own. Dig that, ostentatious, pseudo intellectuals!
11) What are you going to do with your cash prize?
I’m going to wipe my ass with each bill before buying it with stuff from the Indian-owned boutique across our office.
12) Are you going to join future Lab writing contests?
Only when the prize is right and the contest is worth the fucking feat of defecating rigmaroles out of my fucked-up brain cells.
13) Any parting shots?
Damn you, fucking apostrophe!
Whew! I thought I couldn’t do that paradoxical cuss.
NOTE: ala-Matt is a member of my Labable Lab Cats group.
Saturday, August 01, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
What If
Sponsoring the first Lab Essay Writing Contest has been giving me nightly nightmares. Three nights ago, I dreamt that many Labbers entered the contest and ciggyforbreakfast's "Australian Kangaroo" bagged first place. When I woke up and checked the Essay Lab, there were no new essays. Two nights ago, I dreamt that it was a Jesus Z sweep with first, second and third places for his winning entries, "Heckling and Getting Away With It Parts 1, 2 and 3." When I woke up and checked the Essay Lab, there were no new essays again.
However, last night proved to be really eerie. I dreamt that the Lab software had a mind of its own. Vivid messages on my screen kept blinking.
Your message, "Neknek na newbie" has been sent to Kaykay. Please note that she is not obliged to hit "reply" and answer your PM. If she is not online, of course she can't read your message. If she's not feeling well, she will not be in a mood to reply. If she has PMS, you're screwed. If she's mad, run for your life.
Your post has been successfully edited. You will now be returned to the original thread. Please know that no one cares if you're bolding or italicizing some words. Your OC personality slip is showing.
Your post has been successfully edited. Unfortunately, since you spent so much time editing, another Labber has quoted your original post. Please waste more time and edit the other member's quoted post to match your edited post. You know you want to. You're OC, remember?
You have successfully logged in. Your instinct tells you to post in the CSA your imagined masterpiece and not read the guidelines first. Do not be surprised if a law-abiding active member calls your attention to follow the one-post/two-crit policy ... unless Dyosa's keyboard screams "dugyot" ... or if a vigilant mod closes your thread. Whichever comes first.
You have successfully logged in as an altnick. You have another think coming if you think you can get away with it. Wipe that smug smile or pocket your pout. Indulge in a new hobby.
SQL-SERVER: SOCKET ERROR. This message is being displayed to you, the software program-challenged, to magnify your obvious ignorance and imagined brilliance. Please proceed to Facebook and engage in Mafia Wars. Or join a YM confe until someone else's PC crashes.
This website is down and is currently undergoing maintenance. You may contact (909)510-1234 but the phone will just keep ringing. Our voicemail service has been cut off and we have laid off our 20-something college drop-out computer geek workers. Refreshing this page every minute is not going to revive the previous page. Get a life. Have a nice day.
I woke up, smiled and saw three EWC entries.
However, last night proved to be really eerie. I dreamt that the Lab software had a mind of its own. Vivid messages on my screen kept blinking.
Your message, "Neknek na newbie" has been sent to Kaykay. Please note that she is not obliged to hit "reply" and answer your PM. If she is not online, of course she can't read your message. If she's not feeling well, she will not be in a mood to reply. If she has PMS, you're screwed. If she's mad, run for your life.
Your post has been successfully edited. You will now be returned to the original thread. Please know that no one cares if you're bolding or italicizing some words. Your OC personality slip is showing.
Your post has been successfully edited. Unfortunately, since you spent so much time editing, another Labber has quoted your original post. Please waste more time and edit the other member's quoted post to match your edited post. You know you want to. You're OC, remember?
You have successfully logged in. Your instinct tells you to post in the CSA your imagined masterpiece and not read the guidelines first. Do not be surprised if a law-abiding active member calls your attention to follow the one-post/two-crit policy ... unless Dyosa's keyboard screams "dugyot" ... or if a vigilant mod closes your thread. Whichever comes first.
You have successfully logged in as an altnick. You have another think coming if you think you can get away with it. Wipe that smug smile or pocket your pout. Indulge in a new hobby.
SQL-SERVER: SOCKET ERROR. This message is being displayed to you, the software program-challenged, to magnify your obvious ignorance and imagined brilliance. Please proceed to Facebook and engage in Mafia Wars. Or join a YM confe until someone else's PC crashes.
This website is down and is currently undergoing maintenance. You may contact (909)510-1234 but the phone will just keep ringing. Our voicemail service has been cut off and we have laid off our 20-something college drop-out computer geek workers. Refreshing this page every minute is not going to revive the previous page. Get a life. Have a nice day.
I woke up, smiled and saw three EWC entries.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
The Pussylitarian Rules of Claw
1) Acknowledge all bwisitors, hecklers, well-wishers and wannabes to The Cat House.
2) Dugyot posts in The Cat House will be ignored or ridiculed ad nauseam depending on our mood.
3) Think of quality, not quantity, when submitting works to the CSA. Check spelling, typos and grammatical horrors before uploading your piece.
4) Follow the one-post/two-crit policy (1 poem-2 crits of 2 poems; 1 essay-2 crits of 2 essays NOT 2 POEMS and 1 short story-2 crits of 2 short stories NOT 2 POEMS).
5) Support all Lab Cats' submissions to the CSA. Give praise when it's worthy; offer suggestions to the lousy.
6) Posting cut and pasted funny feline pics or links of hilarious hirsute hussies is allowed.
7) Under no circumstances is txt splng nor aLtErNaTiNg CaPs AlLoWeD.
8) Clean the litter box after every dugyot poop. (Read: If someone posts a dugyot entry, redirect the thread to be funny.)
9) Be a witty kitty. Make others laugh. Sniff in a jiff. Scratch and snatch. Pounce with a bounce.
Meowr!
2) Dugyot posts in The Cat House will be ignored or ridiculed ad nauseam depending on our mood.
3) Think of quality, not quantity, when submitting works to the CSA. Check spelling, typos and grammatical horrors before uploading your piece.
4) Follow the one-post/two-crit policy (1 poem-2 crits of 2 poems; 1 essay-2 crits of 2 essays NOT 2 POEMS and 1 short story-2 crits of 2 short stories NOT 2 POEMS).
5) Support all Lab Cats' submissions to the CSA. Give praise when it's worthy; offer suggestions to the lousy.
6) Posting cut and pasted funny feline pics or links of hilarious hirsute hussies is allowed.
7) Under no circumstances is txt splng nor aLtErNaTiNg CaPs AlLoWeD.
8) Clean the litter box after every dugyot poop. (Read: If someone posts a dugyot entry, redirect the thread to be funny.)
9) Be a witty kitty. Make others laugh. Sniff in a jiff. Scratch and snatch. Pounce with a bounce.
Meowr!
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Panatang Makalabcat
(Para sa Pusang Ina Ko)
Iniibig ko ang Cat House,
Maging pusakal ma'y pipiliin itong tambayan,
Ito'y tahanan ng ngumingiyaw na angkan,
Sa piling ng pusang ina, ika'y kukupkupin at susuportahan,
Upang maging magaling at makapag-post ng kaabang-abang.
Bilang ganti, hindi ko gagamitin ang aking mga kuko
sa walang saysay na kalmutan,
Susundin ko ang mga alituntunin ng laboratoryong
aking kinabibilangan,
Tutuparin ko ang mga ito hanggang sa ang mga balahibo
ay magsilagasan.
Paglilingkuran ko itong Cat House nang walang pagdadamot
kahit tinik ng isda lang ang nasa hapag-kainan.
Sisikapin kong maging isang tunay na Labcat,
Sa CATalasan ng isip, CATalinhagaan ng salita,
at CATagumpayan ng gawa.
Meowrrr!
NOTE: This is the winning entry for my "Panatang Makalabcat" contest for my kitty cats. The author of our version of the cat oath of allegiance is the wily and wacky winsum82.
Iniibig ko ang Cat House,
Maging pusakal ma'y pipiliin itong tambayan,
Ito'y tahanan ng ngumingiyaw na angkan,
Sa piling ng pusang ina, ika'y kukupkupin at susuportahan,
Upang maging magaling at makapag-post ng kaabang-abang.
Bilang ganti, hindi ko gagamitin ang aking mga kuko
sa walang saysay na kalmutan,
Susundin ko ang mga alituntunin ng laboratoryong
aking kinabibilangan,
Tutuparin ko ang mga ito hanggang sa ang mga balahibo
ay magsilagasan.
Paglilingkuran ko itong Cat House nang walang pagdadamot
kahit tinik ng isda lang ang nasa hapag-kainan.
Sisikapin kong maging isang tunay na Labcat,
Sa CATalasan ng isip, CATalinhagaan ng salita,
at CATagumpayan ng gawa.
Meowrrr!
NOTE: This is the winning entry for my "Panatang Makalabcat" contest for my kitty cats. The author of our version of the cat oath of allegiance is the wily and wacky winsum82.
The Labable Lab Cats
THE LAB CATS
1) will be composed of cute and cuddly, but smart and witty mods and members
2) will lick the wounds of the grammatically-challenged
3) will use upper and lower cases in sentence construction
4) will eliminate comma splices, run-on sentences, misplaced and dangling modifiers in our works
5) will proofread and edit our works at least three times before posting anything ... to avoid cyber humiliation and future flames from grammar freaks (
6) will be prepared to scratch the backs of those who scratch ours
7) will show claws only when attacked so that we can defend ourselves and the entire "kittendom"
8) will lead word game threads as mental exercise (ex: alliteration, ABC stories, nickronyms, etc.)
9) will aim to write essays that will make the readers go, "meow," este, "aaaw"
10) will promote class and not crass in The Lab (This means we refuse to post anything using expletives -- tangna, fuck you, etc. -- unless they are part of a dialogue or quote in a short story or essay.)
11) will remain cool and polite in our interaction with Labbers and Labsters in spite of the continued riling from attention-hungry members
12) will always thank members who post comments (may they be positive or negative) in our threads in the CSA Essay Lab
*arnivorous alliterates, changes into her catty cheerleader costume, claps and cheers*
Lab Cats can rule
They can all drool
Some think we're "prudes"
They're just rude dudes!
Meowr!
1) will be composed of cute and cuddly, but smart and witty mods and members
2) will lick the wounds of the grammatically-challenged
3) will use upper and lower cases in sentence construction
4) will eliminate comma splices, run-on sentences, misplaced and dangling modifiers in our works
5) will proofread and edit our works at least three times before posting anything ... to avoid cyber humiliation and future flames from grammar freaks (
6) will be prepared to scratch the backs of those who scratch ours
7) will show claws only when attacked so that we can defend ourselves and the entire "kittendom"
8) will lead word game threads as mental exercise (ex: alliteration, ABC stories, nickronyms, etc.)
9) will aim to write essays that will make the readers go, "meow," este, "aaaw"
10) will promote class and not crass in The Lab (This means we refuse to post anything using expletives -- tangna, fuck you, etc. -- unless they are part of a dialogue or quote in a short story or essay.)
11) will remain cool and polite in our interaction with Labbers and Labsters in spite of the continued riling from attention-hungry members
12) will always thank members who post comments (may they be positive or negative) in our threads in the CSA Essay Lab
*arnivorous alliterates, changes into her catty cheerleader costume, claps and cheers*
Lab Cats can rule
They can all drool
Some think we're "prudes"
They're just rude dudes!
Meowr!
Saturday, April 04, 2009
My Newly Coined LABable Words
These words are based on the crazy characters (members and moderators) of the Laboratoryo website -- http://laboratoryo.invisionplus.net
Alambreonics - the science and philosophy of the Lab shaman; may involve the occasional magic of the altnicks
Arnivorous arnimal - the verbivore who devours words on sight in this site
Arntertainment - the art of amusing Kaykay the arnivorous way; usually involves word play, alliteration and rhyme streak style; done sometimes to irritate a chosen few
Bum-mer - a noun pertaining to bum's spot-on crit of a lousy or readable poem in the Poetry Lab
Busabosize - to dissect a poem the santongbusabos way; after effects may include any or all of the following -- frowning, bawling, cursing, leaving The Lab for good or sucking it up and trying to write a poem again till one gets it right
Crankquil - an adjective that describes majority of crankynoodles' posts which are cool, calm, collected and classy
Dyaggitry - the essence of being the nerdy but Labable dyaggy bee; includes a penchant for anything that flies and aversion to stinky goddesses
Echostrian - what we can call jerichogio if he continues to chronicle the Lab History of Writing by compiling the best and the worst that we all came up with; no horses involved
Kaykadorable - an adjective that describes the little things Kaykay does to make her still labable to the Lab Pussy
Kaykayatry - the philosophy and practice of being the Tiboli President; includes the ability to post off-topic comments but still remain labable; may involve on-and-off feelings of paranoia resulting in occasional Lab self-banishment
Kikomanicks - Kiko's posts depicting nightly and naughty left and right hand calisthenics with his nocturnal partner, Mariang Palad
Kulitics - a mod/member's practice of nonchalantly continuing to post off-topic comments in a thread despite some mod's determination and effort to redirect a thread back to the original topic
Laboteur - a noun indicating someone in the Lab who labotages, err, sabotages a thread by his/her nasty rejoinders; supported by some and loathed by a few; usually forces a mod to close a thread instead of just redirecting back to the original topic
Labdigger - a member or mod who resurrects an interesting thread (either in the CSA or any sub-forum) that is long forgotten; resurrected to amaze, amuse, inform or reform.
Lab pussy - the moderator monicker of the arnivorous arnimal; catty head of the Labable Lab Cats clan
Lab side commie - any member or mod who enters a thread and destroys the flow of that thread by his/her side comments; sometimes clueless, confused or just plain annoying.
Magicnick - an altnick created and used to diffuse a thread bomb that's about to explode
Mooner - the mod who swooned over the kaput Labteams of sb-sushi and kiko-arni
Jesuszifics/Jesuszisms - Jesus Z's witty posts that are scattered all over the Lab; characterized by out-of-the-blue spurts of wit and right timing
Jopolicious - an adjective describing all of the salacious and lascivious poems posted in the Poetry Lab by our very own celebrity, jopoguerrero
Onimated - an adjective that describes oni's hyperactive posts; usually punctuated with XD.
Placebic - an adjective describing short posts of Placeboo to make us feel her presence despite her busy school life and nocturnal hospital sked
Pun-ny pussy - a labable (sometimes unlabable but not labless) Lab Cat who has a penchant for creating Lab puns based on Lab funny, puny and pun-ny creatures; borders on the witty and the silly, but more often than not, the corny.
Pussykal - Lab cat na maangal at mahilig umatungal; kalmot mode on, never off
Stalkeries - series of witty essays written by stalker; includes her Good Guy series in three parts and her Bloody series, now on its fifth part
Stinkymology - the study of categorizing a thread/member by the Lab diyosa and his/her practice of entering a thread and posting the word "dugyot"
Sushiness - a noun pertaining to happiness upon reading sushi's lively, playful and thoughtful posts; devoid of sarcasm and hypocrisy
Tinkify - a verb signalling tink's pursuit of dyagwar; may involve aggressive fondling and constant bickering all over The Lab
Tinkology - the philosophy of the stinky goddess; involves praising the worthy, playing with the witty and dissing the silly
Tupendous - an adjective describing xtopherdelax's energetic grooves and grinds during videoke EBs; may also apply to his uncanny knack for cracking jokes with never-ending punch lines
Winsumness - a noun pertaining to winsum's keen observation of Lab mods and members
Zenterpretation - zenmarcus' amusing and amazing practice of interpreting Labsters' dreams and nightmares
Alambreonics - the science and philosophy of the Lab shaman; may involve the occasional magic of the altnicks
Arnivorous arnimal - the verbivore who devours words on sight in this site
Arntertainment - the art of amusing Kaykay the arnivorous way; usually involves word play, alliteration and rhyme streak style; done sometimes to irritate a chosen few
Bum-mer - a noun pertaining to bum's spot-on crit of a lousy or readable poem in the Poetry Lab
Busabosize - to dissect a poem the santongbusabos way; after effects may include any or all of the following -- frowning, bawling, cursing, leaving The Lab for good or sucking it up and trying to write a poem again till one gets it right
Crankquil - an adjective that describes majority of crankynoodles' posts which are cool, calm, collected and classy
Dyaggitry - the essence of being the nerdy but Labable dyaggy bee; includes a penchant for anything that flies and aversion to stinky goddesses
Echostrian - what we can call jerichogio if he continues to chronicle the Lab History of Writing by compiling the best and the worst that we all came up with; no horses involved
Kaykadorable - an adjective that describes the little things Kaykay does to make her still labable to the Lab Pussy
Kaykayatry - the philosophy and practice of being the Tiboli President; includes the ability to post off-topic comments but still remain labable; may involve on-and-off feelings of paranoia resulting in occasional Lab self-banishment
Kikomanicks - Kiko's posts depicting nightly and naughty left and right hand calisthenics with his nocturnal partner, Mariang Palad
Kulitics - a mod/member's practice of nonchalantly continuing to post off-topic comments in a thread despite some mod's determination and effort to redirect a thread back to the original topic
Laboteur - a noun indicating someone in the Lab who labotages, err, sabotages a thread by his/her nasty rejoinders; supported by some and loathed by a few; usually forces a mod to close a thread instead of just redirecting back to the original topic
Labdigger - a member or mod who resurrects an interesting thread (either in the CSA or any sub-forum) that is long forgotten; resurrected to amaze, amuse, inform or reform.
Lab pussy - the moderator monicker of the arnivorous arnimal; catty head of the Labable Lab Cats clan
Lab side commie - any member or mod who enters a thread and destroys the flow of that thread by his/her side comments; sometimes clueless, confused or just plain annoying.
Magicnick - an altnick created and used to diffuse a thread bomb that's about to explode
Mooner - the mod who swooned over the kaput Labteams of sb-sushi and kiko-arni
Jesuszifics/Jesuszisms - Jesus Z's witty posts that are scattered all over the Lab; characterized by out-of-the-blue spurts of wit and right timing
Jopolicious - an adjective describing all of the salacious and lascivious poems posted in the Poetry Lab by our very own celebrity, jopoguerrero
Onimated - an adjective that describes oni's hyperactive posts; usually punctuated with XD.
Placebic - an adjective describing short posts of Placeboo to make us feel her presence despite her busy school life and nocturnal hospital sked
Pun-ny pussy - a labable (sometimes unlabable but not labless) Lab Cat who has a penchant for creating Lab puns based on Lab funny, puny and pun-ny creatures; borders on the witty and the silly, but more often than not, the corny.
Pussykal - Lab cat na maangal at mahilig umatungal; kalmot mode on, never off
Stalkeries - series of witty essays written by stalker; includes her Good Guy series in three parts and her Bloody series, now on its fifth part
Stinkymology - the study of categorizing a thread/member by the Lab diyosa and his/her practice of entering a thread and posting the word "dugyot"
Sushiness - a noun pertaining to happiness upon reading sushi's lively, playful and thoughtful posts; devoid of sarcasm and hypocrisy
Tinkify - a verb signalling tink's pursuit of dyagwar; may involve aggressive fondling and constant bickering all over The Lab
Tinkology - the philosophy of the stinky goddess; involves praising the worthy, playing with the witty and dissing the silly
Tupendous - an adjective describing xtopherdelax's energetic grooves and grinds during videoke EBs; may also apply to his uncanny knack for cracking jokes with never-ending punch lines
Winsumness - a noun pertaining to winsum's keen observation of Lab mods and members
Zenterpretation - zenmarcus' amusing and amazing practice of interpreting Labsters' dreams and nightmares
Monday, March 16, 2009
The Labable Lab
I've been living in the US for eleven years now and the year 2008 is so far the best year for me. So many significant events happened last year that I have a hard time picking which of those events is the best. Recently, I've made up my mind and The Labable Lab tops the list.
I've been wary of message boards since 2004 (been banned twice in two other message boards even if I was one of the moderators and a part-owner of one site) so when a certain keith_thanagar dropped by my blog sometime in May of 2008, I was reluctant to visit what we now fondly call The Lab. I almost dismissed the site as one of those new Filipino message boards that display a smorgasbord of lame posts, horrible text spelling and spam messages with product websites and porn links. However, my fingers were itching to engage in a cyber adventure so I checked out the site and registered on June 1, 2008. Didn't really roam around much that day but just posted a link to my blog hoping that someone could stumble on it and leave a comment on how I was doing as a blog writer. Nope. Didn't happen. So off I went to Canada for a much-needed vacation from June 5-12, 2008.
On my birthday, June 10, 2008, I asked permission from my best friend, Desil, if I could use her PC to go online and check my e-mail. She told me that I could use it for as long as I liked so I went online and remembered The Lab. I lurked for a bit and found out that some of the Lab members are from LIRA, a literary society where I was a workshop drop-out. Haha! So that I could get a feel of the different members' personalities, I read a lot of threads first before posting any of my "litter-rary monsterpieces." Intimidation was the first thing that gripped me. Wow, these people can write and are very knowledgeable about literature. And the fact that most of them are very young -- can you say 20s -- is amazing!
Being very careful with what I was writing, I posted in some threads which interested me and tried to interact with some who seem friendly (Kaykay, Beng, Tink, dyagwar, santongbusabos and alambre). I even thought that Karma Policeman owned the site so he was the first person I sent a private message to. Once I realized my mistake, I sent a PM to the Da Fuhrer/shaman, alambre, and befriended him.
I couldn't stop posting in different threads and I thought I was confident in posting in the Poetry Lab of the CSA. Like most assumptions, I was wrong. There was no member, who posted a comment, who liked my poem. Made me think that I was the most horrible poet there. (Somebody please, throw a potato at me. Thank you.) Shamefaced, I didn't set foot again in the Poetry Lab and read a few more threads. With burning cheeks, I checked out the Essay Lab and read all two essays: Tink's "Badessaphobia" and kuadobo's "Subject Required." "Oooh, now I know what I can do. This is where I can do some damage," I gleefully told myself. And the rest is a blazing history of a trade of wits, crits, and quips .
I've been wary of message boards since 2004 (been banned twice in two other message boards even if I was one of the moderators and a part-owner of one site) so when a certain keith_thanagar dropped by my blog sometime in May of 2008, I was reluctant to visit what we now fondly call The Lab. I almost dismissed the site as one of those new Filipino message boards that display a smorgasbord of lame posts, horrible text spelling and spam messages with product websites and porn links. However, my fingers were itching to engage in a cyber adventure so I checked out the site and registered on June 1, 2008. Didn't really roam around much that day but just posted a link to my blog hoping that someone could stumble on it and leave a comment on how I was doing as a blog writer. Nope. Didn't happen. So off I went to Canada for a much-needed vacation from June 5-12, 2008.
On my birthday, June 10, 2008, I asked permission from my best friend, Desil, if I could use her PC to go online and check my e-mail. She told me that I could use it for as long as I liked so I went online and remembered The Lab. I lurked for a bit and found out that some of the Lab members are from LIRA, a literary society where I was a workshop drop-out. Haha! So that I could get a feel of the different members' personalities, I read a lot of threads first before posting any of my "litter-rary monsterpieces." Intimidation was the first thing that gripped me. Wow, these people can write and are very knowledgeable about literature. And the fact that most of them are very young -- can you say 20s -- is amazing!
Being very careful with what I was writing, I posted in some threads which interested me and tried to interact with some who seem friendly (Kaykay, Beng, Tink, dyagwar, santongbusabos and alambre). I even thought that Karma Policeman owned the site so he was the first person I sent a private message to. Once I realized my mistake, I sent a PM to the Da Fuhrer/shaman, alambre, and befriended him.
I couldn't stop posting in different threads and I thought I was confident in posting in the Poetry Lab of the CSA. Like most assumptions, I was wrong. There was no member, who posted a comment, who liked my poem. Made me think that I was the most horrible poet there. (Somebody please, throw a potato at me. Thank you.) Shamefaced, I didn't set foot again in the Poetry Lab and read a few more threads. With burning cheeks, I checked out the Essay Lab and read all two essays: Tink's "Badessaphobia" and kuadobo's "Subject Required." "Oooh, now I know what I can do. This is where I can do some damage," I gleefully told myself. And the rest is a blazing history of a trade of wits, crits, and quips .
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Thoughts on Teaching
I was a teacher for seven years in a Catholic college (which became a coed university in 2005). My years of teaching were very fruitful because I vowed not to imitate the style of the worst teachers I've ever had. My motto was "End stupidity. Be a teacher."
Anyway, when the job to teach was offered to me by my former chairperson, I didn't grab it right there and then. I told her that although I came from the Advertising industry and would use my experience in the major subjects in Mass Communication that I would be teaching, I would like to take some Education units first because I had no idea how to teach.
I guess that's mostly the weakness of college instructors these days. Most of them get offered the job to teach a major subject but they lack the knowledge on how to teach.
Based on my experience with some co-teachers, they lack the following:
1) Teaching Strategies - Being in your field of expertise is not enough to qualify you to teach. If you take Education units (especially a Certificate in Teaching Program which is offered to degree holders), you would know which teaching strategy to use with the freshmen and the seniors. You would know how to be understood by the stupidest in class and still catch the interest of the smartest.
College instructors who are well known for their works in film and literature are sometimes the worst teachers. They are better read than seen and heard.
2) Measurement, Evaluation and Research - This is often the waterloo of those who don't have Education units. Some instructors make up a test the way they want to. Some even give a bonus question like: "What brand of cigarette do I smoke?" Yeah right. Like that would make your students less stupid.
3) Mastery of Filipino and English - Most young teachers I know these days don't have any mastery of either Filipino or English. When they teach, they use Taglish. They also incorporate showbiz words in the classroom in their day-to-day lessons. I'm all for communication being dynamic, but please know which has class and which is crass.
Anyway, when the job to teach was offered to me by my former chairperson, I didn't grab it right there and then. I told her that although I came from the Advertising industry and would use my experience in the major subjects in Mass Communication that I would be teaching, I would like to take some Education units first because I had no idea how to teach.
I guess that's mostly the weakness of college instructors these days. Most of them get offered the job to teach a major subject but they lack the knowledge on how to teach.
Based on my experience with some co-teachers, they lack the following:
1) Teaching Strategies - Being in your field of expertise is not enough to qualify you to teach. If you take Education units (especially a Certificate in Teaching Program which is offered to degree holders), you would know which teaching strategy to use with the freshmen and the seniors. You would know how to be understood by the stupidest in class and still catch the interest of the smartest.
College instructors who are well known for their works in film and literature are sometimes the worst teachers. They are better read than seen and heard.
2) Measurement, Evaluation and Research - This is often the waterloo of those who don't have Education units. Some instructors make up a test the way they want to. Some even give a bonus question like: "What brand of cigarette do I smoke?" Yeah right. Like that would make your students less stupid.
3) Mastery of Filipino and English - Most young teachers I know these days don't have any mastery of either Filipino or English. When they teach, they use Taglish. They also incorporate showbiz words in the classroom in their day-to-day lessons. I'm all for communication being dynamic, but please know which has class and which is crass.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Pinto
Bukas 'yan dati
labas-masok ka pa nga.
Ni walang paalam
kahit na biglaan.
Dala mo kasi ang susi.
Pero nung huli mong pag-alis
iniwan mo ang susi.
Naisipan kong ikandado.
Pero kahit hindi ka kumatok
bakit ka nakapasok?
Aah ...
nagpa-duplicate ka pala.
labas-masok ka pa nga.
Ni walang paalam
kahit na biglaan.
Dala mo kasi ang susi.
Pero nung huli mong pag-alis
iniwan mo ang susi.
Naisipan kong ikandado.
Pero kahit hindi ka kumatok
bakit ka nakapasok?
Aah ...
nagpa-duplicate ka pala.
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