Facebook Arnimalisms: Series 10

1) Witty is the funny that makes people post more than a smiley. It invites a biting repartee, but a play of words is better. Sadly, the clueless will never get the witty. Now that ruins the funny.


2) Someone mentioned that there's a difference between wordplay and a play of words. He didn't elaborate though. He always made me want to research, but not on an EMPTY TUMMY because I won't EAT MY WORDS.


3) You may think I'm bitter, but I'm really just testing your tolerance for annoyance.


4) The next time someone addresses you in a condescending manner, slowly tell that person: "Talk to the wrist. The fist is pissed."


5) Have you heard of the new drink in town? It's called the LAARTINI. It's a PUNCH that has a KICK. Just one sip will make you correct people's grammar in any social event. If you finish a glass, you're guaranteed to get PUNCHed and KICKed out of any party. Want a sip? It's on me. Ahihihi.

Facebook Arnimalisms: Series 9 (The TV Show Issue)

1) Being in "bedroom arrest" makes me do stuff to keep boredom at bay: watching “Hoarders”, “Intervention” and “Paranormal Fakes or Facts”, playing cell phone games, staring into space, and going back to sleep. It's hard to be a couch potato. I should rock the boat and be a bed tomato instead. Yes, I know. My mixed metaphors suck.

2) Ten days after the surgery and I'm feeling much better. The pain medication still makes me drowsy so I can't really watch any kind of movie. I can only tolerate 30-minute sitcoms or watch semi-stupid reality shows till I feel like puking. My head hurts more than my tummy. So if you want to aid in my recovery, stop reposting positive thoughts with grammatical errors. Naman eh.

3) Being temporarily disabled due to my recent surgery makes me drawn to tabloid news and reality shows. Ramona Bautista, please go back to Pinas! Cable TV, please stop airing marathons of "Tough Love in Miami." I need to read more books by Sedaris and Palahniuk but after remembering what one of my bosses said (Watching reality shows makes me feel intelligent!), I'm inclined to take the reality plunge with a bag on my head.

4) It's Saturday Night. I should be out and living the life but noooo! I'm glued to VH1’s "Champions of Cute." Lots of cute viral videos: baby doing the salsa, cat modeling a fedora hat with Mommy Pussy about to give him a paw smack, and the penitent and honest dog voluntarily going to a kennel for a time-out after his owner found out he (the dog) ate all the doggy treats. Sooo adorable and I'm … go figure.

5) 544 employees will be attending our company Christmas party at our hotel tonight. I am not one of the 544 people who are going to this holiday shindig. Uh, it's Thursday night. "The Big Bang Theory" is on at 8pm. Yes, I'm aDORKable.