What If

Sponsoring the first Lab Essay Writing Contest has been giving me nightly nightmares. Three nights ago, I dreamt that many Labbers entered the contest and ciggyforbreakfast's "Australian Kangaroo" bagged first place. When I woke up and checked the Essay Lab, there were no new essays. Two nights ago, I dreamt that it was a Jesus Z sweep with first, second and third places for his winning entries, "Heckling and Getting Away With It Parts 1, 2 and 3." When I woke up and checked the Essay Lab, there were no new essays again.

However, last night proved to be really eerie. I dreamt that the Lab software had a mind of its own. Vivid messages on my screen kept blinking.

Your message, "Neknek na newbie" has been sent to Kaykay. Please note that she is not obliged to hit "reply" and answer your PM. If she is not online, of course she can't read your message. If she's not feeling well, she will not be in a mood to reply. If she has PMS, you're screwed. If she's mad, run for your life.

Your post has been successfully edited. You will now be returned to the original thread. Please know that no one cares if you're bolding or italicizing some words. Your OC personality slip is showing.

Your post has been successfully edited. Unfortunately, since you spent so much time editing, another Labber has quoted your original post. Please waste more time and edit the other member's quoted post to match your edited post. You know you want to. You're OC, remember?

You have successfully logged in. Your instinct tells you to post in the CSA your imagined masterpiece and not read the guidelines first. Do not be surprised if a law-abiding active member calls your attention to follow the one-post/two-crit policy ... unless Dyosa's keyboard screams "dugyot" ... or if a vigilant mod closes your thread. Whichever comes first.

You have successfully logged in as an altnick. You have another think coming if you think you can get away with it. Wipe that smug smile or pocket your pout. Indulge in a new hobby.

SQL-SERVER: SOCKET ERROR. This message is being displayed to you, the software program-challenged, to magnify your obvious ignorance and imagined brilliance. Please proceed to Facebook and engage in Mafia Wars. Or join a YM confe until someone else's PC crashes.

This website is down and is currently undergoing maintenance. You may contact (909)510-1234 but the phone will just keep ringing. Our voicemail service has been cut off and we have laid off our 20-something college drop-out computer geek workers. Refreshing this page every minute is not going to revive the previous page. Get a life. Have a nice day.

I woke up, smiled and saw three EWC entries.