One condition in changing ego-defensive attitudes is to remove threat. This can be done by creating a supportive environment, using humor and matter-of-fact approach.
This reminds me of my "relationship" with a co-teacher, an ex-seminarian teaching Philosophy. When we first met, I could tell that the guy had a brain with an ego to match it. He was also fond of always putting me down to get me on the defensive.
If I said something good that happened to me, he'd tell me something better that happened to him. If I complained about a bad day or about anything, he'd readily blurt out "Buti nga sa 'yo!" with relish. His condescending expressions extended to "That's nice, serves you right!" and "Teacher ka ba?"
I defended myself with equally biting retorts such as "Magyabang ka sa 'kin kapag nanalo ka na sa Palanca!", "Umalis ka ba sa seminaryo dahil sa babae ... o dahil sa LALAKE?" and "Lalaki ka ba o nagpapanggap ka lang?"
But then, three days before Christmas of that year, I vowed to make peace with all those I wasn't at peace with. What I did was give the ex-man of God a postcard with a note saying: "Anyone who believes in the saying 'Sticks and stones can hurt my bones but words can never hurt me' is a liar. No below-the-belt digs this time. I just want to wish you a Merry Christmas."
The guy lost color and became speechless. All he could do was give me a sincere smile. Uh, did I detect a slight inclination to hug me?
Ahihihi.
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