Tsk-tsk, bad move A. You shouldn't be doing this. You promised yourself you're not returning his calls nor answering his letters ever again. So what gives? Why are you breaking your promise? No amount of extra-strength 3M scotch tape could make the broken promise whole again. Yeah right! That excuse again. What's that? Oh, it's the Christian thing to do. Tsk-tsk. You're such a softie. Don't you think you've been treated like a doormat for the nth time. He pops up every now and then, doesn't even ask forgiveness for that awful thing he proposed you both do years ago and acts as if everything's back to normal. Grow up, A! Oops, I'm sorry you can't do that anymore since you've reached your peak. Well, at least, open up your eyes, girl! Get a new pair of specs or contacts if you wish! Wake up!
That's my alter ego speaking, R. May be it hurts you to read it, but it's part of what I feel about you. I don't want to hide under anyone's skirt anymore other than my own. (Oops, make that pants. I hate skirts.) This time, I'm not dodging from my feelings. I want to meet them head on the way I did when we were still in college.
So what is this letter all about? It's not exactly something that'll make you feel good while in a strange land. Talk about adding insult to injury. Naah, not really. Consider this as an outpouring of pent-up emotions, a letter of clarification, a page from my diary perhaps? (Weren't you my diary back in college?)
Well, here goes nothing. I hope you'll drop all "pretenses" and tell me how you really feel after reading this.
I really liked you, you know. Of all the pen friends I had, you're the only one left. Our friendship has also been a part of my growing up years in college. You've also helped me during those times that I felt insecure about myself especially when most of my classmates were against me ... which was most of the time. I remember you writing and reacting to my credo "I humble myself by humiliating myself" ... short of doing a lobotomy on me yourself. You're one of my cushions during my college life. And I didn't even thank you by sharing with you the honors I've received.
Years passed by and we joined the world of the professionals. I thought you've totally forgotten about me. Who would've known we'd start going out together? And that's when everything started going haywire.
Maybe it was my fault. I assumed and presumed too much.
Maybe I should've asked right from the beginning what the real score was. Was it plain friendship or was it more than that? Did the hand calisthenics and the limited oral explorations confined around the face mean anything? Or didn't we just have nothing better to do or talk about then? Was it because of the night, the draft beer we drank or the pizza we ate?
I thought for a moment that there was something. I gave you hints, but I guess we weren't riding on the same wavelength. Maybe there were times that we shared the same frame of reference but you just weren't ready to widen your frame to overlap with mine. You were either silent, changed the topic or plain humiliated me. I hope you felt how confused I was then. Was I sending the wrong signals or couldn't I decipher yours correctly? And to think that we both have degrees in Communication.
Your recent card said, "I'm here for you." I'm sorry but I can't feel your presence. No matter how I try, I just can't feel it.
I thought for a moment that there was something. I guess, I'm wrong again. So, what else is new?
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